Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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