just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
