So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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