You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
