What a fucking waste of an outfit
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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