Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pants are for mortals
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
