I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
