you didnt know i had herpes?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize