A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
