Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
