Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
