At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
