1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
