okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
