The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
