It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had sex on a roof
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
