dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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