This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
