I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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