I'm so fucking centered right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
