Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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