He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
