I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize