Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
