i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
