the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
