I cannot find my penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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