but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
