I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
