Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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