my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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