ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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