Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
