I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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