well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your cock deserves a montage
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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