I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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