yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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