i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
