I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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