READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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