I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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