people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
