This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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