1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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