seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
