Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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