I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
