I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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