in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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