I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They have beer where we have blood.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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