I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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