going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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