i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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