I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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