Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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