My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
