There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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