I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
