I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
