Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
