You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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