I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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