I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
