I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
