Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
